Birth Story of Jesse Seth - Part Three

As I have been rereading up to where we are now, I kept feeling like I was missing something.  I couldn't put my finger on it until I was having Dale read through them.  Dale, my strength and constant encourager, has been in my thoughts as an extension of myself but I haven't written that yet!  His depth of caring and concern can never be explained on paper.  When I opened my eyes, he was there - watching and waiting and usually anticipating my needs.  Cool cloths on my head, an arm to steady me as I moved, pressure on my back...  His concern about how long things were taking was palpable and he was doing everything he could to carry me through.  He is so much a part of me and the whole process that it was easy for my mind to see him there as I walked through it all again but it has to be said so I don't forget in the years to come!

So...

Around 9:30 things got, um, 'crazy' may be the right word.  I had been on my knees leaning against the birth stool on the bed.  When they checked baby's heart rate, they couldn't find it and from this point on, things are a blur and yet I remember most of it so clearly.  In a flurry of activity they had me change positions at the same time that Dale said, 'that's it, we are going to the hospital.'  Without hesitation, my midwife made the call to the hospital while her assistant found the heart rate again.  Apparently baby had simply shifted so the heart wasn't in the same place as before and they had also run out of the Doppler gel which is necessary for it to work!  After listening for a moment, the rate was a bit low but not dangerously low and it was regulating nicely to about 120.

That didnt matter.  The call had been made and everything was set in motion for us to transfer to the hospital.

My midwife came back in while Dale was moving the truck and warming it up (after shooing the children into the game room that the house had) and she told me, 'ok, this is it. One last set of pushes and then we go'.  I still think it is so amazing that she didn't pause or question Dales choice.  I remember laying on the bed, disappointed and knowing that the hospital meant a csection without question but also being at peace about whatever happened.  No one ever asked me if I wanted to go and I have no idea how I would have answered but once the call was made, my midwife never hesitated or questioned his decision.  That meant so much to me in that moment!  I can remember laying on the bed thinking, 'ok, Lord.  I choose to trust you to be leading my husband.' and being ready for whatever was to come.

So, one more set of pushes.  I could do this.  I gritted my teeth, pushed my chin to my chest and I am pretty sure I blew a few blood vessels in my head for those two pushes.  I was determined to give everything I had so I knew I did my absolute best.  (Something I never realized until after everything was over... I was hesitant with my pushing because I was afraid my csection scar would not hold against it. I wasn't consciously thinking that at the time but when I looked back, I remembered in those last two pushes thinking that it would be ok if my scar tore as long as the baby was delivered safe.  Strange thinking but it likely had a big impact! Who knows if things had been shortened if that thought wasn't there.)

After the last pushes, they stood me up and put my robe and shoes on me.  When it was time to take a step, I couldn't move.  Instantly I had a strong contraction and knew something had changed. Looking back I think it was the lifting of my legs to put my feet in my shoes.  Initially we thought it was walking so maybe it was a combination of both combined with those last pushes?  Either way... I told them I couldn't walk and then felt my body starting to bear down with a push.  It didn't matter to anyone, they were starting to drag me along!  

I was able to take about 5 steps to just outside the bedroom door when it happened again!  I stopped, tried not to bear down and push and said 'I can't do this. I can't walk!' I actually started to cry for a second at this point because I felt like I was loosing control and no one was listening to me.  My midwife was listening to my words though because she said, 'just a few more steps. You can do this for your baby.' I gritted my teeth again and said, 'for my baby.' as I purposefully and quickly took the last steps to the door.  (Later my midwife told me that her assistant had seen the physical change of the baby about to be born and had actually held her hand under me the whole way just in case.  I didn't even remember that!)

At the door it happened again though. I had to stop and tried not to bear down with another contraction and then told them they would have to carry me the rest of the way because I could.not.walk. They said they would but they didn't... They just started walking again, dragging me out the door.  I looked up and saw how far I had to go and held on to Dales back as he drug me and the others helped along from behind.  It really isn't that far up to where I had to go: 

(Taken the next morning. The snow was all gone off the step by then but you can imagine how it looked.)

I made it about 5 more steps but when I stepped up onto the walkway, another contraction hit and there was no stopping the pushing this time. (Another reason I think the stepping up/lifting my leg motion made a difference.)  I let go of Dale and turned to the right to hold onto that pillar and totally against my will, our baby's head started to crown right there on the porch!  (Apparently both my midwife and her assistant saw this coming as they were both totally ready for it and not at all surprised when it happened.)

My midwife looked and said something about a head and 'get her back in the house, we are having a baby!' as she and her assistant started dragging me back in.   

At that moment, we could hear the ambulance arriving and it pulled up just as we started back into the house.  Dale later said he didn't realize what was happening at first with the baby and that it was only because the ambulance had arrived that he agreed to go back in!  

The next few minutes are a total blur but this is how I remember it...

I remember next being in the house and turned around facing the door, though not sure how I got there.  I remember being lay down onto the ground at the same moment the next contraction hit and the head fully crowned.  Then I remember the next contraction seemed like immediately after and my midwife catching and pulling out the baby.  It seems like about the same second I actually hit the ground (actually Dales legs and arms behind me) that there was suddenly a fresh new baby laying on my chest with towels and blankets covering us from nowhere (the assistant was on top of everything!).  The paramedic from the ambulance had come in as the baby was being pulled out and was just sitting to my left and letting us know he was available if we needed anything but it was pretty clear we were all set.  He was so kind and patient and even though he wasn't needed, I think there was a sense of reassurance that he was there.  

Then everything stopped and was clear and calm.  

There was a fresh new baby laying on my chest!  I heard my midwife comment that HE was doing well and I said 'oh, it's a boy!!' -never did look to see ;). His eyes were looking all around even though he wasn't yet taking his own breaths.  It was so amazing... His cord pumped forever (I think it was 12 minutes after he was born) and it was a while before he even needed to breathe because of it!  Then there was that sweet, clear, and heart-stopping sound of his first cry.  It was clear and just like breathing life back into my exhausted body.  We did it. 

His apgar was an 8; His cord was long, thick (so thick the usual clamp wouldn't fit), and not around his neck (a first for my babies!); his breathing was clear and not rattly/mucousy at all.  He was obviously totally oblivious to the last 17 hours and not affected at all by the whole ordeal.  Glory to God alone!

From this point on there are chunks of time missing from my memory.  I don't remember getting up from the floor or going back into the bedroom. I remember rinsing off in the shower but don't remember getting in it or going back to the bed.  I remember Dale taking the baby in to show the other children and hearing squeals of delight but I don't remember where I was when that happened or him bringing the baby back.  The exhaustion was settling in and most of what I remember is holding my baby in bed and just praying over and over, thanking The Lord for every single minute of the last day.  

I fell asleep before the midwife and her assistant left and spent the rest of the day dozing on and off.  It was Wednesday before I had much of any strength and that was just fine!  He was here and we were both doing wonderfully.

There have been many thoughts in my head since Jesse was born... 

First to come was the realization that if I had had any other provider caring for me than the midwife I did, Jesse would have been born by csection hours before.  I was a poster mom for 'failure to progress' even though obviously he was delivered just fine.  I can think of no other provider I know that would have spent hours and hours laying on their own back and literally suffering along with me.  (Can you imagine an OB holding a cervix out of the way for hours on end? Yeah... me neither!)  I truly love her and am amazed and humbled by her own sacrifice for us! 

Next came the laughter at his actual birth!  Though it was so long and incredibly intense, his birth will mostly be remembered for the last 30 minutes of it.  I keep laughing as I play it over in my head!  Though it definitely wasnt funny at the time, it sure is to me now -great memories were made in the most unlikely way.  

Choosing his name proved to be more of a challenge than we expected but in the end, his name is so fitting for his birth and we pray for his life.  God does exist and He does care about every part of our lives.  He cares about our dreams and desires; He cares about our fears and troubles; He cares about the big issues in our lives; He cares about the tiny details in our lives.  He also puts us exactly where we need to be for each moment of our life.  Nothing happens without a reason.  Nothing is out of His control.  All things work according to His will.  

The end of Jesses birth story but just the beginning of the best part -his life!

Thank you, Lord for our sweet Jesse... 

Birth Story of Jesse Seth - Part Two

The next several hours were very uneventful. Well, for everyone but me! The children all went to bed; midwife and assistant took turns resting and checking heartbeat; even Dale was able to lay down and sleep for about an hour.  Me? I switched positions between the pool, the bed edge, the stool, and the bathroom in my little space...

I did rest and almost sleep for a bit on the bed around midnight I think.  Then there were many times in the tub I dozed off between contractions.  Overall, it was just hard contraction after hard contraction almost on top of each other for hours and hours.  It was exhausting and yet I never felt discouraged or anxious.  My midwife was so supportive and encouraging- Telling me I was doing amazing when I sure didn't feel it!  

I need to check on these times but somewhere around 6am Sunday morning, I asked to be checked again. I was having slight bearing down urges during some of the contractions but it still was not to where my body was ready to fully push.  I was relieved to hear fully effaced but confused to hear there was an anterior lip of the cervix that was not dilating.  I had no idea what that really meant and had never experienced it before.  They explained that basically the baby's head position was not allowing pressure against that part of the cervix and therefore it was not dilating out of the way and allowing the baby to slide into the birth canal.  Oookaayyy... Now what?!

Well, the answer was to physically hold the lip out of the way while I pushed his head past the cervix and down the birth canal.  Um. It is important to interject here that I had never actively pushed for any of my other births.  I had always waited until my body did it on its own and all my babies were born within just an involuntary push or two.  I had intended to let the same happen this time as that is the ideal way to birth.   So when I was told to push when I didn't feel that overwhelming bearing down urge, I had no idea what to do!

And that sets up the next four hours of labor...

My midwife lay on the bed or floor near me, manually holding the cervix aside waiting for a contraction so I could push with it.  I remember her having to switch arms because her arms and hands were falling asleep on several occasions but she had to be quick as every time she let go, the cervix would go back again! She continually encouraged me through contractions, helping to feel where to focus my efforts.  She and her assistant coached me on how to push this way. Things like putting my chin on my chest and relaxing my bottom into the bed/ground as I pushed.  I felt like I had no idea what I was doing and at this point I was so exhausted I needed to be reminded of most everything I know as a multi-birthed Mama and Doula.  Thankfully controlled breathing continued to come easy and I didn't cry! I knew if I started crying I would give up and not be able to regain my control.  

Somewhere around the middle of this time frame my water (finally) broke.  All over my poor midwife who was of course laying in just the right place to be almost bathed in it! The fluid was blessedly clear and there was no cord in the way.  All the important things to pay attention to were still right where they should be.  Baby's heart beat never dropped below the 120-130's to my knowledge which means he was managing labor just fine and oblivious to all I was going through to bring him into the world.

(Note to interject... I had been taking large doses of Vitamin C -about 8,000mg daily- to help strengthen my amniotic sac and prevent premature breakage. In truth I was hoping for a baby born in the Caul (water sac).  There were several times during the night that I was very upset with myself for doing so as it obviously made a difference.  In my head I thought 'if my water would break it would help to speed things along!'.  It wasnt until much later that I realized how even this small detail was Gods hand of protection on my baby.  Had my water broken earlier, it likely would have stressed the baby and who knows what that would have led to.  I remember my midwife reminding me that it was all happening as it was for a reason.  She was so right!)  

I am guessing it was around 9am when I began to notice longer pauses between contractions and a bit more clarity to my surroundings and thoughts.  I still don't know if something had changed or if my body was just so exhausted that it was slowing down.  I do remember the passing concern that if the contractions weakened, it would not be a good thing.  They were giving me 'energizing' tinctures and homeopathy pistules which had been helping but I was just plain tired.  I know I have never sweat so much in my entire life!

Everyone else could see my exhaustion as well and I remember Dale asking the midwife if there was a point where we would just have to go to the hospital.  My midwife said that was totally our call and she would never question our decision to go.  Dale or I simply had to say the word and she would make that happen.  No one asked me what I thought but in my head I was totally torn for the first time.  I felt discouragement entering.  It was then I realized that both my midwife and her assistant were praying for me and the baby.  Then I heard Dale in my own ear telling me I could do this.  At that moment, I knew again that I wanted to do it and could do it if God gave me the strength.  I prayed desperately that Gods will alone would prevail in however the birth ended and I was prepared for whatever direction He took me.  

To be continued... (just one more time, I promise!)...